Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
