i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
