if you like me you must not know who I am
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
