too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
