so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
