I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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