I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Randomize
