I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
the condom got lost in my hair
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
