Where did you get a picture of my penis
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
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