Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
