just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
