Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
