There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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