Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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