I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
