Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
