hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
