If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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