i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Randomize
