Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
