i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
