So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
My balls are so social today.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Randomize
