cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize