he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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