i barfeds in our rink
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
