I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
