they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
