I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
