I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
