the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I think people are normalizing furries
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
