4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
