if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
