haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
