I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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