3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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