Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
