how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
