Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
