yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
