One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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