maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
