Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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