That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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