We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
