My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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