How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
