i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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