I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
