just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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