just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
