I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
