i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
