he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
