You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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