On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
