Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize