I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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