dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
