I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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