Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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