Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
