I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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