When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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