Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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