i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
