very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Alive.
So much puke
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
