how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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