4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I want to make a zoo with you.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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